resume of failures

all the jobs / opportunities / projects that didn't work out

many years ago, i came across this ‘cv of failures’ from a princeton professor. he wanted to show the other side of a resume: all the opportunities that did not come to fruition and all the rejections that we do not publicize. it’s stuck with me over the years, and for whatever reason, it feels particularly poignant with increasing job uncertainty.

when you’re young and the world feels limitless, it’s easy to be possessed by that boundless fervor. in many ways, i miss being childlike. being an adult and trying to be anything, you’re much more aware of the ways things can fall by the wayside. you start to gauge your potential by probability: what are the chances of xyz? what makes me so special? there’s millions of people doing this, etc. etc. the most talented people i know are plagued by self-doubt or burdened by just trying to sustain themselves.

by the time i turned 20, i hit one of my peaks. it’s taken years of retraining my mind not to hold myself to an idea of success from before my brain was fully developed. despite all i have “achieved” (including a webby award, admittance to harvard, a new york magazine byline), i turned 28 last year, and i still felt horribly behind.

i’m writing my resume of failures because my success stories are public, but they are marginal. my list of rejections is nearly double any list containing my awards and honors: projects that didn’t take off, jobs that i got fired from (more than four), etc. i’ve been called a high-achieving individual my whole life, but i do not think we have a clear idea of what that actually looks like.

in this way, i’m thankful for every rejection and flop. it’s shaped my way of thinking and, even more importantly, my work ethic.

below is a detailed list of everything that didn’t work out—to offer some perspective.

p.s. this story is paywalled because, starting in february, i’ll be posting two essays a month for paid subscribers only. previous paywalled work includes my harvard admissions essay and the behind-the-scenes story of my investigative cult piece for new york magazine.