i'm happier now. where did my ambition go?

without pain, there goes productivity too

i’d call myself many things, but happy is rarely, if ever, one of them. i’ve curved my life around the blade of my ambition, hacking away anything that might stand between myself and my pursuits. the word ‘dreams’ always felt so trivial for how i imagine my work; there is an implicit lightness, but i’ve never given anything else in my life more weight than this.

this essay is paywalled and i appreciate those of you who are a paid reader! in an ideal world, i’d love to write for free (which is why the majority of my writing is available to everyone). i’ve been thinking a lot about the relationship between ambition and stability and how when i’ve found the latter, the former seems to be slipping through my fingers. if you consider yourself (or have been accused of being) a high-functioning individual, i’d love to know your thoughts in the comments below!